this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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