i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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