kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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