i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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