I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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