If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
