Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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