So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
