**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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