Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
