its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
