well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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