At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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