The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
