I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
