She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
