Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
