Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
