that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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