Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
