I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
