Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
