She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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