Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
