We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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