i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
