mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am available for nakedness
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
