I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
