He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
