you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize