Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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