I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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