Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
