is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
