Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
