Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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