I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sex in a hospital.. check
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
