You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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