3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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