i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
