I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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