my mouth tastes like poor choices
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
