this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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