guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
lol hangovers are for mortals.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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