We're like a lot better than the average bears
she peed on how many people?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
