I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
