do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
wow bdsm is so cute
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