Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
