You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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