My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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