Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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