my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
