I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Boobs are out for the taking
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
