I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
