mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
