Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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