May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
