I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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