and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
