Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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