apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mom said you looked used
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
