do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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