i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize