I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
