I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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